Elf and Wolf(A journey She will never forget)

Last edited by Razzu on Wed Jun 27, 2012 10:25 am; edited 1 time in total

Chapter 1 Ceremony
I haven't forgotten today was the day a group of warriors were to venture out into the deepest parts of the forest to see the Elder Magnus.He had requested the next group to see him on summers eve and I,along with four others were given a parchment informing our parents of the event.I was excited of course,the urge lifting in my veins,anxiety kicking in.
It was morning and I was just fitting my skirt when mother called from outside.
"Aria where is your father?!"
"He went to the high pasture to tend to the horses!"I shouted,fitting my necklace now and flicking my long hair behind my back feeling it itch my skin on arms and lower back.Looking my reflection in a basin of fresh water I smiled fingering the pendent of my necklace.A gift from father as a sixteenth birthday present a few days ago.I've worn it every day for the past week and today was special to me for I would wear it for luck at the ceremony when the elder shows us our desired animals that would become our guardians for life.
I splashed my face with the cool water,rubbed it dry with a cloth and then exited my room and danced down the wooden stairs that coiled to the main room where mother was just walking in,a basket of fresh vegetables from her garden in her arms.A hawk rested on her shoulder and nodded it's beak at me which i returned and sat down at the table as mom washed the lettuce first in the large basin below the window.
"Do you remember what to say when you face Elder Magnus?"Mother glanced at me expectantly her green eyes catching the glint of the suns penetrating light from the window above her.
I sighed."Yes mother I remember."
"You washed your hair twice in the stream?Used only moon flowers?"
"Yes."I began to drum my nails on the rounded tabletop.
"And you are wearing the clothes I made you.Your ceremony will be perfect.Don't forget to tell your father today that the warriors are going on another scouting mission today."
I frowned.A scouting mission today meant there was a possibility father may never come back.The Shadow clan had been our enemy for generations.They wanted Forest clan,my clan,to surrender over rumors of an assassination of Elder Tiran,leader of the Shadow elves in the time before I was born.No one knew who'd done it but it didn't matter.The Shadow clan warriors had been watching us closely for some time since then and scouts were sometimes scent in to look for our village Elder.We held them back and it was still our mission today to do so and keep our Elders hiding place a secret.
Mother glanced at me again and smiled grimly,I could see the worry in her face as well as sense it in mine.
At the sound of a summoning horn I leaped from my chair and grabbed the quiver of arrows off a hook beside the front door and resting the strap comfortably over my shoulder and gazed back at mother who hadn't moved,her eyes glued to the task she was doing.
"Wish me luck."I said cheerfully before heading out the door and into the cacophony of the village,walking hastily towards the village circle.But I had only gotten a few feet when I remembered to remind father of the scouting mission and darted off at a run heading east towards Grazing Pastures.

Arie loved the cool wind at her face,the breeze just right for a warm day like this one.She had to be quick now in order to reach her father and deliver her massage to him before she had to meet the others in the Elders homestead.
At the sound of another horn blow I paused and panicked knowing I'd be late if I just ran there.I needed a solution and needed it fast.
"Aria"
I heard the sound of hoof beats coming up behind me and turned to see a young boy my age riding a grey speckled horse at full gallop.He held his hand out to me as he past and I clasped it and sucked in a breath as I was yanked and pulled up into the saddle behind him.
The horse shifted it's footing at the newly added weight and I wrapped my arms around the boy's waist feeling his stomach twitch at my touch and I chuckled as he turned his head to look at me.
"Where are you headed?"He asked.
"I have to see my father to bring him a message from the Warriors."I called out in reply.I felt him clench his stomach.
"They're gong on another scouting mission aren't they."
"Yes, Qien."
His shoulders were squared now which meant that his father was going too.Qien tried to convince my father once to drop out of his rank but he had refused to listen to him,said he wasn't the one to say such things.I agreed of course,with my father,because he was only trying to keep the elder safe just like the rest of us would.I would.
I began to notice that the landscape had changed to the flat grassy lands of the high pasture and began to search for father as Qien slowed his mount to a trot.It didn't take long for me to see father sitting on a large boulder puffing away at his pipe the usual thing he did while thinking.A few horses,one I recognized as my own were grazing next to him.
"Father."I called as Qien kicked his horse forward.He turned his head towards us blowing a cloud of white smoke from his pipe.
"Aria.Qien.Aren't you two supposed to be heading to the Elders homestead right now?The horn has blown over four time already,you two will be late."
My horse Sagar had lifted his head from grazing and whinnied at me.I patted his neck while saying,"Mother wanted me to give you a message."
Father slid off his rock and looked me in the eyes."What message?"
Qien turned his horse to the side so I had to meet my fathers ice blue eyes.I wasn't sure if the words would come out right but when I spoke them they sounded alright i think.
The warriors are leaving on another scouting mission today."My throat closed and father face showed how much he knew the risks of a scouting mission to Shadow clans territory.He stared at his feet for a while and all was silent before another blow of a summoning horn cast the silence off and father met my gaze,cracking a smile the best he could."Thank you my daughter.Go now to your ceremony and come home to us with your guardian, hey?"
I forced a smile across my lips and nodded."Good luck to you father.Be safe."
"Always"He promised.
He waved a hand for us to be off but I suddenly noticed the Crone,his owl wasn't in sight.I was about to ask but Qien had turned us away and I looked over my shoulder as we galloped off.Before we rounded a bend of trees I glimpsed the bird just landing on fathers shoulder as he waved.

Guest

Good job. :3 This story is quite an interesting read. Do continue. <3

EDIT: Since you wanted more in depth comments to help you improve:

Okay, you're on the right track in writing a story. However, when one writes dialogue, you press the enter key twice. I don't know why that's done, but it's often done by professionals. Also, after a name, you put a comma. So rather than "Aria where is your father?!" it's "Aria, where is your father?!". Thankfully, you're good on the capitalisation things, except for this:

When writing "he said" or "she said" after a bit of dialogue, you don't capitalise the H in he or the S in she. I also noticed something with your punctuation. You don't space after it. After a comma, question mark, exclamation point, quotation mark, or period, you usually space, as if starting a new word. But before that punctuation, you don't space. Otherwise, your story is good and you're on the right track. You use capitalisations fairly well and your story is very interesting. Keep writing, and you'll definitely see improvement! :3

EDIT 2: I forgot something.

When writing dialogue, unless it's a question mark or exclamation point, you close off the sentence with a comma where the period should be. Example:

"Hello," she murmured when the unfamiliar person greeted her with a smile. No space after the comma, though, just after the quotation. When two quotation marks are together, you don't space them apart. :3

Yes, please do continue Razz

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